Handling bad habits in relationships
- Wendy Rosa
- Aug 29
- 2 min read
We all have little habits that can frustrate our partners - leaving dishes on the bench, clothes on the floor, or finishing the last biscuit. On their own, these seem small, but in relationships, they can carry weight. That’s because habits often become symbols of something deeper: whether we feel seen, valued, and cared for.
Why it matters
It’s not just about the habit. A forgotten task or empty biscuit package isn’t only an inconvenience - it can feel like an emotional signal.
Attachment triggers. Small actions can stir deeper fears of being unseen, unimportant, or taken for granted.
Old stories. Past family roles or earlier relationships can shape the way we react today.
Opportunity for connection. Talking openly about these moments helps couples grow closer instead of getting stuck in repeated conflicts.
How to approach it
1. Pause before reacting
Instead of snapping in the heat of the moment, take a breath.Tip: Notice the emotion underneath the frustration. For example, beneath “I’m annoyed” might be “I feel unimportant.”
2. Share your feelings vulnerably
Try using “I feel…” statements that reveal softer emotions.
Example: “When I see the biscuits are gone, I feel hurt and left out, like I wasn’t thought of.”
3. Name the deeper story
Often, present triggers connect to past experiences. Share what makes this feel significant.
Example: “As a kid, I always had to clean up alone - so now, shared effort feels like love to me.”
4. Express your need clearly
Give your partner a chance to respond with care. Needs can be both practical and emotional.
Tangible: “Please leave me one biscuit.”
Emotional: “I need to know you think of me, even if I’m not there.”
Tip: Needs aren’t demands - they’re invitations for closeness.
Key Takeaway
Behind every protest is a longing for connection. Bad habits aren’t really about dishes or biscuits - they’re about whether we feel loved, valued, and considered. By sharing your feelings, stories, and needs, you open the door to understanding each other’s inner world and strengthening the bond.
